Just got to share my afternoon experience –
can’t tell anyone else cos I get the rolly-eyes “here goes the mad tree woman”
thing! Lol
A little background! I had a rotten night’s
sleep. I was woken at 3:30am with a migraine, it was so painful, I cried myself
back to sleep, trying not to wake Man, because he had to be up for work at 6am.
Suffice to say, I woke up this morning feeling really groggy…still with
migraine remnants (you know when you feel like you’ve been punched in the head
and have a mahoosive inside bruise.) I sat and felt very sorry for myself.
Then the phone rang. Then it rang again, and
again and again. It was so painful to my head to hear it ring, I turned it off.
Then I logged online to find loads of really
taxing emails (about funding for workshops) that I need to deal with. Feeling
quite sick, I turned off my email, and moaned a bit on Facebook (as I do! Lol)
Then the dog started staring at me – doing the
mindbending “take me for a walk before I poo in your shoes” thing.
The last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk.
Outside it is blowing a hoolie, there is horizontal rain…and my head…OH MY
HEAD! BUT. I have dog, and I have a duty to dog…
I wrapped myself up warm, long waterproof coat,
comfy walking shoes, and off we went to the beach. No one else around, just me,
the waves crashing, the wind a-blowing and…Dog.
Until I saw a young woman of about 18 years old
- she was wearing a long blue floral skirt, a white hoodie, and looked
flipping-freezing! She had long dark hair that was whipping around her face in
the wind and she was running bare foot over the sand, down to the sea. The wind
was really lashing and it was POURING down, yet, she ran with total
gay-abandon, her skirt pulled up and being blown by the wind to the sea, where
she twirled herself round and round.
Her (what I can only suppose) boyfriend, was
stood on the sea wall calling to her to come back – but, she was oblivious,
completely lost in her own world, knee deep in the cold sea, spinning and
spinning round and round entirely revelling in the elements…and I stood there
watching her desperate to spin round and round too, shouting “isn’t it
wonderful!” – but I couldn’t, and didn’t…this was her moment and I had no idea
whether she knew I was there…it was such a special, private moment for her…I
didn’t want to burst her joy-filled bubble!
But Oh my goodness, what a wonderful thing to
see!…because I know that feeling…I’ve been that girl, spinning around and
around, arms raised to the sky tasting the rain, and there is no other feeling
that even comes close…and I miss it!
The young woman finally came back to this world,
and ran bouncing like a child to her boyfriend, “you’re crazy” I heard him call
to her as she ran towards him. She was grinning from ear to ear! He just stood
giggling with his arms open, waiting for her.
I walked away in my own dream world, with a
little of the girl I used to be re-lit in my heart. Life throws some bloody
awful blows sometimes…and you have no choice but to pick yourself up and carry
on, and sometimes you lose who you really are underneath all the layers of care
and worry (and waterproof coats and sensible shoes!) That young woman taught me
a big lesson!
There is of course always room for “sensible”,
but it’s also essential to let yourself be who you are. Others will shout at
you, call you back, and try and make you into something you’re not – and it’s
true, you sometimes have to bend for others, because that’s life, and that’s
how we all survive together – but, there are times when you just HAVE to be
yourself and just “be”, because life will keep throwing the hard times at you –
and unless you take a little time to run with gay abandon (either
metaphorically or literally) you’ll always be the observer, the one looking on…wishing
you had the balls to run bare foot into the stormy sea and feel it’s energy
rush through you.
My lesson this afternoon has been heeded, and
tomorrow, even if it is raining horizontal rain, I’m going to have me a little
paddle in the sea!
Comments are welcomed on this blog post, and any of the others, at the Pagan Heart Forum which you can find by clicking here.
